Home is kind of a weird word for me lately. I feel like now I have three: my birthplace, my current residence and college city (and more specifically, new adorable apartment in northwest DC) and my Amsterdam.
But, for right now, I can say I've been "home" for a while. And that I did not realize how much I truly learned and the life lessons I gleaned in my time abroad. My perspective is completely different, and I didn't even notice it changing.
I also thought I wasn't dressing any differently that I did in Amsterdam, and here on campus I look like an eccentric young professor who has too much time in the morning. Everyone else is in some form of "sweat pant" ensemble. Whatever. But even the classroom setting, the people I hear talking and the stupid shit they say- it all just feels strange. Campus has changed a bit, and I recognize far fewer people than I used to. But I've been meeting new people, making friends. It's weird, though- Sitting for a while somewhere, and watching the people that feel comfortable and safe in this environment. That comfort is too comfortable and it's getting uncomfortable.
I suppose the absolute best thing about my new life here is my apartment. It's big, I cleaned it one room at a time so now it's almost clean enough for my standards. I can do whatever I want in my room without parents or host parents or RAs or roommates bothering me, and a bunch of my friends live in the same building. My flatmate has a very similar lifestyle to mine, and I can already tell we'll get along really well. But if I want to burn insense, make a pot of tea, and mend my clothes at the kitchen table, I can. And if I want to play guitar at 2 am and drink some wine and write angry songs, I can.
Otherwise, people are idiots. Students are idiots. And life here kind of bores me. I feel really bummed out, and I'm missing the beauty and grandeur of my third home. Also, the adventure of being lost, of not understanding cultural ques and signs and language, is missing. At least I'm not taking any gender studies classes, or I would go insane. I can busy myself with my tough classes that I'm taking, and perfect my music in my free time. I plan on buying some canvases and paint, spending as little money as possible, and making this semester a powerful one. I'm alone, I'm on my own. But I'll survive like the rest of you already have. We'll see how it goes- it's only the first week.
Frankly, it can only get better.
